Let Love In
by ApplesandAlways
Summary: After a night of love after the NYPD Annual Ball Elliot and Olivia find themselves in a steamy affair. But once fate comes crashing down will it ever be the same? Rated M for sexual content and language!
1. Chapter 1

**Rated: M for sexual content! And Language! **

Let Love In

Part One

Olivia walked into the Policemen's Ball. Half of the NYPD was there, the others all working. She knew she was late, but she was debating on weather or not to even come at all. Not knowing why she even came, she walked through the crowd.

Elliot looked up from his drink, and saw Olivia coming his way. Her hair was curled, and fell around her face gently. Her lips, red. Her eyes, a smoky black. Her dress though, was the most stunning of it all. It was a sleeveless black floor length dress. There was a small train at the bottom, and fit her figure to a T.

Elliot moved past Kathy, and over to Olivia. "Hey," he said with a small smile.

"Hi," she replied with the same amount of enthusiasm.

"You look nice." Her smile grew wider.

"Thanks."

Kathy walked up between them. "Uh, Lizzie called. She's having some troubles with her boyfriend. I'm gonna head out."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Elliot asked her in concern of his daughter.

"No, tonights your night. I wont wait up," she said smiling lightly. "Have fun," she directed at the whole squad and exited the building. Elliot looked back to Olivia.

"Care to dance?" He asked her, and she froze for a second.

"What?" She asked slightly stunned.

"Do you want to dance?"

"With you?" She now asked.

He laughed slightly. "Yea. I'm not that bad of a dancer." She chuckled at his remark.

"Sure," she answered. They smiled to each other, and he took her hand, leading her to the dance floor. He lead them to the other side, away from looking eyes of their co-workers. He placed his left hand on her lower back, and took her left hand into his right. The next song started, and she gazed into his eyes. As the music began he started to dance with her. Inside they both held in that it felt right.

_You wait, wanting this world to let you in_

_And you stand there a frozen light_

_In dark and empty streets_

_You smile hiding behind a god-given face_

_But I know you're so much more _

_Everything they ignore is all I need to see_

_You're the only one I ever believed in_

_The answer that could never be found_

_The moment you decided to let love in_

_Now I'm banging on the door of an angel_

_The end of fear is where we begin_

_The moment we decided to let love in_

Elliot pulled Olivia in, and rested his other hand on her lower back. She rested her head on his chest. Both heeding the words of the songs, and both trying to make it seem they weren't thinking about it.

_I wish wishing for you to find your way_

_And I'll hold on for all you need_

_That's all we need to say_

_I'll take my chances while_

_You take your time with this game you play_

_But I can't control your soul_

_You need to let me know_

_You leaving or you gonna stay_

_You're the only one I ever believed in_

_The answer that could never be found_

_The moment you decided to let love in_

_Now I'm banging on the door of an angel_

_The end of fear is where we begin_

_The moment we decided to let love in_

_There's nothing we can do about the thing we have to do without_

_The only way to feel again is to let love in_

_There's nothing we can do about the thing we have to do without_

_The only way to feel again is to let love in_

Elliot couldn't take it anymore. He pulled back, and gently slide his large hand around the back of her neck.

_Hear me _

_wanting this world to let you in_

She locked eyes with him once more as his thumb brushed lightly against her cheek. Their breathing becoming heavy. He pushed his lips onto hers with passionate force.

_You're the only one I ever believed in_

_The answer that could never be found_

_The moment you decided to let love in_

_Now I'm banging on the door of an angel_

_The end of fear is where we begin_

_The moment we decided to let love in_

_The moment we decided to let love in_

_The moment we decided to let love in_

They pulled away, and Elliot looked into her eyes. She began breathing heavily, and eyes watered up. She push out of his grasp, then rushed out side on the small deck hanging over the city. She folded over the railing as she collided with it, letting the air rush out of her lungs. Her tears fell ten stories to the ground.

"Liv," Elliot said walking up to her.

"I shouldn't have come. I knew something was going to happen." She didn't even look at him. Her fingers stayed gripped tightly to the rail, and her head looking at the long distant between where she was and the street.

"Don't say that, Liv. I shouldn't have kissed you."

She finally turned his way. "Damn it, I wanted you to. It's not just your fucking fault... I didn't pull away."

"We just got caught up in the moment is all."

"But that can't happen, you're married-"

"Unhappily," he finished.

"What do you mean?"

He laughed slightly. "Are you kidding me? I was lonely, and it happened. I only went back with her because she was pregnant. And honestly between you and me sometimes I wonder if Eli's even mine." She leaned against the railing.

"Really?" He nodded. "Well, don't you think you should find out?"

He shrugged. "Because I don't care if he is or not my biological son, he's still my son. I know that thinking he's not means I don't trust her, and I don't. I found out she's cheated on me before."

"What?"

"Yea, since Eli was born she has and it makes me wonder if not before... We are getting divorced again."

She paused for a moment before replying. "Then why did she come tonight."

"Well first, she'd already bought her dress. Second, I didn't have anyone else to go with." She paused again.

"We're still partners though."

He opened his mouth to reply, but the doors opened and Fin was standing in front of them.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you guys were out here. Am I interrupting?" He asked them.

Olivia pushed off the railing. "Uh no." She looked to Elliot. "I should go home."

"Why?" Fin, and Elliot asked at the same time.

"I'm not feeling to good," she admitted. She pushed past them. "You guys have fun."

Olivia picked up her cell phone, and texted Elliot.

_'We need to finish talking'_

She figured it was long enough, and that the ball had probably just finished. She held the phone impatiently in her hand waiting the reply. After what seemed like an eternity he replied back.

_'On the way over'_

She smiled slightly, and looked into the mirror. Her make-up and hair was still the same, but was wearing a black tank top and jeans. A few minutes later she heard a knock on the door, and opened it. Elliot was standing in front of her, still in his tux. She didn't anything as she lead them to the couch. They sat on opposite ends.

"I love you," he said straight out. Her jaw dropped slightly. She struggled to say anything. "You don't have to say anything. I understand if you don't feel the same way."

"But I do," she got out. "But I had no idea you did."

"I have for 10 years. It just seemed I was always taken or you were gone or had something going on in your life."

"So you were being considerate?" He smiled, and nodded slightly.

"I guess." She smiled and leaned closer to him, and he leaned in the rest of the way. Their lips touched once more, this time hungrily. His hands rubbed over her stomach, to her hips. He lifted her up on his waist, straddling him. Her hands found their way around his neck. Their lips never separating. His lips moved along her neck down to her collar bone. She pulled back for a second, pulling off her shirt not wearing a bra. He took the time to take off his as well. She crashed her lips back onto his, and his hand smoothed over her breast. His other got lost in her hair.

She pushed her body closer to his, and moved her lips to his ear. "I love you," she whispered in his ear. She bite his ear lightly. He rolled them over, to take their pants off, then rolled her back her on top of him. She looked into his eyes.

"Do you want to do this?" He asked her.

She pushed her lips back onto his, and lowered herself on him. He moan in her mouth, and she in his. She began rocking him, and their bodies colliding with rhythm. Their voice became one as the movements between them went quicker. She gripped the back of her couch for support, and he held tightly to her hips. He flipped them over, and her fingers ran down his back.

"I love you so much," he moaned to her. She took in a deep breath as he moved in her.

"Don't stop," she whimpered back. He gripped the couch, and thrust deeper into her. She groaned, and rolled her body on his. He pushed further and further, going faster and faster. Deeper and deeper. She gripped harder to any surface she could trying to contain herself. They could feel the end coming as everything got more intense by the second. She bite down on his shoulder, trying to hold out as long as she could. He grabbed her waist, incidentally digging his nails into her hips. She called out in pain and ecstasy. His tongue ran across her neck.

"Oh god," she muttered and dug her fingers into his short hair. He pounded into her once more sending both of them over the edge. He looked into her eyes, seeing love and desire. Her chest was still pushing against his as she took deep breaths. He placed his palm on her cheek lightly. Her hair was spread across the pillow, and her mouth hung slightly open trying to catch her breath.

"You are so beautiful," he told her sweetly. She smiled back.

"Thank you..." She reached up and touched his cheek on the opposite side. "You're all I could ever ask for." He smiled back, and leaned down. He kissed her once more. Then collapsed beside her, tired.

"That was amazing, by the way," he complimented. She chuckled, and blushed to herself.

"Not so bad yourself," she joked back. He grinned, and rubbed over her stomach.

"I'm tired now," he said still panting.

"Old man," she pokes fun at him.

"You're older than I am."

"Show it?" She looked at him with a devilish smile on her face.

"What do you mean?" He asked confused, and looked back to her.

"Wear me out... See who falls asleep first. Then see whose older." He smiled.

"You're on," he agreed, and got off of the couch. "Only if it's any way."

"You're on," she challenged."If I win you take me on an actual date."

"And if I win?"

"You get in any time, any where." In a quick movement he scoped her up into his arms, and her legs clutched around his waist. "Any way, as long as you want" she whispered, reminding him. He grinned, and pushed her into the wall. A breath escaped her lungs as her back slammed with the wall, and a picture fell off the wall smashing on the ground. Neither of them seemed to notice. The moment once again wrapping them like water.

Olivia eyes opened her eyes, and looked up to Elliot sleeping beside her. She looked directly above her, and saw the top of her cabinets above her. She laughed to herself, and got off of her counter. Quietly she walked to her bedroom, finding a bit ironic that throughout the whole night they had never made near it. Avoiding the broken picture that'd fallen she walked into her room. Quickly she put on a pair of jeans and plain white-t shirt. She grabbed a permeate marker, and walked back into her kitchen where Elliot was still fast asleep.

She smiled, opened the marker, and began to write on his stomach. She grinned, and closed the marker back up. Silently she grabbed her purse, and walked out the door, leaving for food. When she got back, Elliot was still fast asleep. Though now he was laying on his back facing up, his self completely exposed. She set the food and coffee's down on the counter by her fridge, and grabbed her coffee. She leaned against the fridge, sipping her coffee, awaiting the moment the scent would wake him.

After a few seconds Elliot's head twitched, and eyes opened. He looked over to Olivia. She had her hand tightened around her cup. He sat up, and crossed his legs.

"Hey," she said simply.

"Hi," he said smiling. "Did last night really happen?" A single laughed passed her lips.

"No, I just like people sleeping naked on my counter top," she joked taking a drink from her cup. She grabbed his, and handed it to him. He took it, and it felt warm in his palm. "I have some breakfast burritos too."

"Can I jump in the shower before I eat?"

She grinned slightly. "Sure."

He got off the counter, and walked over to her. He kissed her delicately. "I love you," he told her.

"I love you too," she replied. He pulled back, and began making his way to her bathroom. She leaned sideways, walking him walk away without shame.

When he walked into the bathroom he began to walk to the shower, but paused looking into the mirror. Written in large letters stretching from his chest all the way down to his lowest ab.

_El,_

_I win_

_Love, Liv_

Laughing he walked into her shower. When he finished he walked back to her living room where she was cleaning up the broken glass.

"What picture broke?" He asked throwing on his pants.

"Uh, the one of my mother and I." She picked up it.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. He sat on her couch. "That was my fault." She threw the shattered glass into the garbage, and walked back over to him. She handed him the picture.

"I needed a new frame for it anyway. It was already cracked." He nodded, and looked down at the picture.

"I see," he said. He set down her photo, and looked back to her. "So, I see I lost." She smiled.

"Yea, I guess you owe me a date."

"I guess I do." She leaned over to him, and kissed him.

"Hope you plan something good," she whispered to him, and stood. She walked into her kitchen. "Hungry?" She said walking back in with his burrito in one hand, and hers in the other. He reached out to grab it.

"Thanks," he replied. He took the now cool food into his hand. He didn't even turn all the way around when he heard his phone going off. He sighed, and grabbed his phone. "Hello."

Olivia moved back to the couch, and turned on her television. She kept the volume on low so Elliot could hear the other voice on his phone. When he hung up he looked over to her.

"I have to go, Lizzie is stuck at her friends." Olivia nodded, understanding it. He leaned over, and kissed her gently. "I'll see you later."

"You will," she agreed. He turned around, and walked away.

Olivia sighed, and made her way into the locker room. She opened her locker, and sat on the bench. She rolled her neck, trying to get all kinks out. It'd been a long week, and her and Elliot had only seen each other in passing. She heard the door shut, and she jumped. She'd thought she was the only still there. She let a deep breath out when she saw it was Elliot.

"Shit Elliot, you scared me." He smiled, and locked the door. She looked down, and rested her hand on the bench.

"Sorry." He looked in between each row of lockers. "Anyone here?"

"Uh, no. Why?" She asked standing up. Elliot walked over to her, and pressed his lips to hers passionately.

She pulled back gently. "Here?"

"Do you really want to drive all the way home?" He asked her, lifting her off of the bench. She smiled.

"Just this once."

He grinned back.

Olivia touched Elliot's bare chest. She realized the scratch marks she'd placed on it. She looked up to his eyes, which were following his dancing fingers on her back. They were laying down on the cold floor.

"Is this all it's going to be?" she asked with a hurt voice.

"What do you mean?"

She sat up, using her arm to prop her. Her hair fell lightly on the sides of her face, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. "This? Having sex when its good for you? Using me when it's good for you?"

"Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"I don't know what you're doing... You tell me you love me, and have sex with me... Then you barely speak to me all week, take a case with _Fin_, and then just come in here and sleep with me again..." She took a shaky breath. "I can't help but let it seem that way."

He took a moment to thin about what she said. He finally said, "I understand why you think that, but trust me it's not true... This case that I am working with Fin has just taken a lot of my time and energy. You know how that is."She nodded slightly. "I've tried planning our date, but it's been hard... And with what I want to do, we would both need time off work for..."

"Elliot, I don't need anything big or fancy. Just being with you is enough for me." She grabbed his hand, and looked at his watch. "It's only 10... why don't we have our date now?"

"Are you serious?" He asked.

"Yea... I mean, when else can we do it?"

He grinned, and sat up. "Alright then..."

Elliot and Olivia walked along the bridge in Central Park. Her head was rest on his shoulder, and both their arms wrapped around the others waist. Their breath, making crystals in the air, then evaporated as they walked into them. Neither would say it out loud, but they felt they were seventeen again.

"It's cold," she pointed out.

"I don't mind," he replied. He stopped them, and turned to the pond. The moon showed it's reflection in it, getting blurred from the ripples the ducks left in it. The snow had just melted, and ducks returned. She took a deep breath, and hopped onto the edge. She looked over to him.

"Tell me something I don't know about you," she challenged. He looked over to her.

"What do you mean?"

"Something you've never told anybody?"

He didn't reply right away. "I love you more than I've ever loved any other woman." She smiled lightly.

"Really?" He nodded.

"Tell me something."

"I'm terrified of escalators," she admitted.

"Seriously?"He questioned laughing at her.

"Yes."

"How come?"

"My shoe lace got caught in one, and broke my ankle," she explained. "Ever since then I avoid them like the plague."

He shook his head. "I never knew that..."

"There is still a lot you don't know about me," she reminded him. "Like how much I love you, and how much you mean to me."

He leaned close to her, and kissed her lightly. "I guess that's about even then." She walked into the woods in the park.

"Like you don't know I love the smell of wood, and atmosphere of the woods." She looked over to him. His hands were lost deep in his pockets, and shoulders close to his head. The cold air rolling out of his mouth. He met eyes with hers. "That I love the way the moons reflecting off your skin." He smiled lightly. She stopped walking. "And that someone its making yours eyes bluer."

"And how it's hitting lightly on your hair."

She blushed, and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Really?" He nodded.

"I don't know how I got so lucky... I can't ever imagine my life without you," he admitted.

"Me either," she agreed.

Another week flew by, this time was much smoother. Any time they would see each other, they'd smile or wink. No one caught on that every time they both found the free time, they were doing it where ever they could find, or going on a date. Elliot would mostly go to her house, considering his things were still at Kathy's. He was trying to find a place, but it was taking a while given his small amount of time he had to do it.

Olivia walked up to her door, and almost jumped out of her skin when she saw Kathy standing in front of it.

She took a deep breath, and as she exhaled she said, "Kathy, what are you doing here?"

"Do you care to go for a walk?" Kathy asked.

"Uh, I guess," she agreed. Without saying a word to each other they walked back outside. Once they reached her street corner Kathy turned to her.

"What are you doing?"

Olivia turned to her. "What are you talking about?"

"I know what your doing with Elliot, and I want it to stop," she warned.

"I don't know what your talking about," Olivia insisted.

"Oh please, you know damn well what I'm talking about. And if you don't stop I will report you."

"You don't even know what your talking about, and even if you did you couldn't prove it."

"This is his family, my family you are destroying."

"Oh please, everyone knows you were the one to destroy your family when you cheated on him."

Kathy's face fell. "Who told you that?"

"Elliot did, we are partners... He tells me everything."

She shook her head. "How did he find out?"

"I don't know, but he did... So anything you say is canceled because you cheated on him... It's your fault your getting a divorce."

Kathy took a deep breath. "It was once, and it was a mistake... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have accused Elliot of cheating on me with you... I just assumed because the night after the ball he asked me for a divorce, and he never came home that night."

Olivia froze for a second, and quickly regained composure. "He asked for a divorce after that night... He told me it was before then."

"He was probably thinking of it before then... God knows he tells you things before he tells me."

Olivia nodded, understanding. It still hurt though, because he lied to her. "Yea," she barely got out. "Are we done?"

"Uh, yea... I'm sorry," she apologized. "I'll, uh, see you later." Kathy awkwardly walked back to her car. Olivia watched as she drove off, and sat down on a set of stairs near her. She took a deep breath, trying to keep herself from crying. Elliot had made her the mistress, let alone it was only for one night, but he still did it. It hurt her to her core, making her whole body ache. She made her way back to her apartment. Knowing she would have difficulty sleeping she grabbed a large glass of vodka, letting her fall sleep sooner.

Four weeks of avoiding Elliot, and four weeks of being heart broken. Four weeks of being tempted to drink, but not. He call her, and she'd ignore. The only time they spoke was for the case, and lucky for her he'd been called off to help with another part of his and Fin's case they'd worked not that long ago.

For the past week she'd been feeling under the weather, and even had to call in sick to work this week (which hardly ever does). She'd even gotten to the point to were she went to the doctors. He told her it was probably just the flu, but took some test just in case.

She got off the elevator on her floor, and Elliot was outside her door. He was sitting with one leg bent upward, and the other extended out in front of him. His gaze was on the wall in front of him, and he leaned against the opposite wall near her door.

Her heart fell into her stomach. She turned back around, to get back into the elevator. Instead she saw the doors shutting in her face. She sighed, and heard Elliot scrabbling to his feet.

"Liv," she heard Elliot say behind her. She didn't know how but it now felt that her stomach fell into her knees. Slowly she turned around to face Elliot.

"What do you want?" She replied with a sour tone. She could hardly look at him.

"What do I want?" He repeated. "I wanted to know what the hell is going on with you. One day your practically throwing yourself at me, and the next month you barely speak to me."

"Throwing myself at you! Is that what you think I was doing? Because if it is-" She stopped herself mid sentence. "At least I'm not the one who lied," she finished.

His eyebrows drew together. "What are you talking about?"

"Are you kidding me! You didn't ask Kathy for a divorce till after we slept together!" He froze, his mouth fell slightly open. "Yeah, didn't expect Kathy to tell me..."

"I didn't think it mattered, because I was already set in my way. I knew I was going to." He grabbed her upper arms, near her shoulders. She used her forearms to knock his grip down.

"You lied to me though, Elliot, and it hurts... Please, I just need a little time. Thats all. To think."

"What do you need to think about Liv?" He asked with sad eyes.

"Elliot, please... Just go," she replied walking to her door. "I'll call you when I'm ready."

"Just don't let it be to late," he said walking up to her. He kissed her forehead, and slowly began to walk to the elevator. She opened her door, and slammed it shut. Her back hit her door, rattling it. Her hand flew over her mouth, and tears rolled down her cheeks. She heard a loud bang, and knew it had to be Elliot hitting something. A sure sign of what he was actually feeling. She knew she didn't want to break up with him, she just need a little time to think of how much it hurt her... Or if she was just over reacting. She couldn't tell anymore because it had been so long since she'd been in another committed relationship.

It surprised her when she heard her phone going off. She scrambled to her home phone, and answered it.

"Hello?" She said, covering up her tears with a shaky voice.

"Good evening Mame, may I speak to Miss Olivia Benson?" The unknown woman said.

"Uh, yes you are speaking to her. Who is this?" She asked because she didn't think to look at her caller ID.

"This is Mary from Dr. Addison office. I apologize for calling so late."

"It's fine."

"Well, we have your test results."

"You can just tell me them over the phone," she said not feeling like waiting.

"Okay. Miss. Benson, you are 6 weeks pregnant," Mary said. Olivia felt her knees collapse, and she fell into the couch. Mary continued to speak in her, but all Olivia heard was mumbles. Her eyes were stuck on the building she could see could see through her window. Her hand ran across her stomach, and the other barely held the phone to her ear. In the middle of Mary's sentence she hung up, and let the phone drop. She ran to her window to see if Elliot's car was still parked outside. Of course it wasn't, but she could hope. Her hand touched the cold pane, and her breath left frost on it.

She pushed off the window, and walked into her bathroom. Forcing on the hot water she bent down, and splashed her face. She looked up into the mirror, and watched the beaded water roll down her face. Her arm rested on both sides of the sink. Huffing, she pulled herself upright, lifted her shirt, and turned to her side. Her eyes were glued to her stomach. A little nub peeked though, the the kind that she go when she was bloated. This time it wasn't that though, it was her child growing inside of her. Elliot's child growing inside of her. Her damp hand ran over her abdomen leaving a trail of moisture.

"How?" The words barely escaped her lips,but she couldn't help but wonder. All of these years she had been wanting to have a child, but she never imagined it like this. She didn't even think she could still have kids. She didn't know why she didn't think she could. Her period was on time though. But having your period doesn't always mean your not pregnant, and she knew that.

The timing though., that was the kicker. Right after all of EVERYTHING that just happened with Elliot. It seemed like some horrible trick of fate, and irony.

She sighed, and dropped her shirt. Quickly making her way to her kitchen with a goal. She opened her liquor cabinet, and pulled out all of it out. She dumped the three bottles of wine in the sink, then into the garbage. She got the vodka out of her freezer, emptying it as well. She dumped her all her coffee (except the de-caf) as well. She walked to her closet in her bed room, and grabbed the one thing she knew could help her at the moment. The one thing that would let her mind wonder, will keeping it on track.

A large piece of rice paper ripped off of the wheel she had of it. She grabbed the colored pastels and charcoal from her dresser. Knowing it seemed silly for her to draw, but also knowing it would help. Her little secret she never told anyone. She could always draw when she was feeling very deep and sad, and sometime with extreme happiness. She only did art at these moments because; one) it was the only time she could draw well and two) it help get out what she was feeling. She would keep it till the feeling passed, and then usually threw it away. It seemed pointless to keep. And though she'd never say it out loud she was always embarrassed by it, and didn't want anyone to see it. Honestly telling you why it embarrassed her she could never tell you, but it did. She also thought they weren't the best. It started the first night her mother had hit her, and continued ever since. She wouldn't even let anyone come into her apartment until it was done so she could hide it.

She walked back to her living room, pushed her coffee table out of the way, and laid the paper across her floor. She sat down with crossed legs, and threw her hair into a sloppy pony tail. Quickly she began working on the drawing. The charcoal ran gently over the paper, printing the lines firmly.

Olivia heard her alarm clock going off in the distance. She lifted her heavy head off of the ground, followed by the rest of her body. It occurred to her that she'd fallen asleep on the hard wood floor, but she had finished her drawing. She looked at her watch, and read that she had ten minutes to get to work. She hastily got ready for work, leaving the drawing dead center in the middle of the living room.

She ran into the precinct only twelve minutes late, and could feel her pulse through her whole body. Noticing Elliot nor Fin were there she walked over to Munch.

"Where's El and Fin?" She asked, still trying to catch her breath. Her damp hair still hitting her face. She took a deep inhale, and put her hair into a pony tail.

"Haven't showed up yet," he told her not looking up from his crème folder. She sat herself down, and began working on unfinished case files she knew Cragen would be asking for soon. Time seemed to fly by, and when she look at the clock she was surprised to see it was already close to noon. Confused on why neither Elliot, nor Fin had shown up or at least even called in concerned her. As if he knew what she was thinking about Cragen walked between her and Munch's desk.

"I need to talk to you two," he said with a flat voice. They looked over to him, both assuming it was about their partners disappearance for the day. "It's about Elliot, and Fin." He sighed, and continued, "they've both gone undercover." Olivia's heart sank once more.

"They chose to go undercover?" She asked.

"I'm not sure if they had a choice in it or not," he told her honestly. Olivia looked the other way.

"Um, I'm gonna get food. Do you guys want anything?" Her forced her voice to sound normal. Without waiting for a reply she began getting her things ready.

"Uh, no," they answered silently, watching her hurry out of the precinct. Olivia walked all the way down to a little cafe four blocks away. She sat in a booth without saying a word. The only thing she said the whole time she was there was her order.

Her mind raced:

"_No, he wouldn't willing go undercover. Would he?"_

"_He couldn't leave me like this. Could he?"_

"_How is he going to react when he finds out I'm pregnant?"_

"_I should have told him last night... Told him to come back over... Apologized, and told him."_

Where the questions running through her mind, the solutions all seemed to run together. Unable to control her mind. Her fingers danced around the rim of her hot coffee mug. She'd taken three sips the whole time she was there. After close to an hour she'd finally calmed down enough to go back to work.

The rest of the day seemed endless. When she'd gotten home she literally collapsed into bed, unable to move anything on her body from lack of energy. Her bed engulfed her body with comforting arms.

It startled her when her phone went off. She groaned, and rolled over to her phone on her nightstand. With squinted eyes she grabbed her phone from the receiver. She tried focusing on the caller ID, but it was blurred to her at the moment. Giving up she answered.

"Hello," she cracked.

"Olivia, its Cragen... Elliot's been shot."

Olivia quickly sat up in her bed. "What? Is- Is he alright?"

"I don't know the details, but he's at Mercy General."

Without saying anything else Olivia hung up, and threw on a jacket and shoes. She hopped into her black Mustang, and drove to the hospital she so often was. She rushed in, and demanded she see Elliot. The woman behind the counter got rude, and made her wait in the waiting room. Fin was sitting in the chair with his hands folded in each other, and in a daze.

"Fin, what the hell happened?" She asked snapping him from his daze.

"Our cover was blown because of an old informant I had when I was in narcotics..." He said with a flat voice.

"Where was he shot?" She asked with worry. Fin looked up to her, and had sad eyes.

"His spine," he barely got out.

A doctor with blond hair, and warm face walked in. "Mrs. Stabler?" He asked to the whole room. Olivia turned to him.

"She's not here, they're separated," she told him.

"Is he okay?" Fin asked, getting closer to him. The doctor sighed.

"I'm sorry to inform you, but he's in a coma." Olivia froze, unable to even move from shock. It seemed that she even stopped breathing. Her eyes locked on the doctor.

"How server is it?" Fin continued asking.

"Well, we aren't sure. Could be a couple weeks, could be a couple years. When he collapsed from being shot he cause grave damage to his brain?"

"But he will wake up?"

"No doubt in my mind he wont. It's just a matter of when."

"Is there any other damage from the actual gun shot wound?"

"We wont know until he wakes up, but he might be paralyzed. We can't be sure until he wakes up."

Olivia finally said something. "So, what you're telling me is you don't know anything but what could be... You don't know how long he's going to be gone, and he may or may not be able to walk ever again?" She snapped. Fin reached, and touched her arm. She quickly pulled back. "Don't touch me," she bluntly stated, and walked out of the waiting room. She pushed her way all the way back outside.

The rain was hitting the pavement harshly, but she didn't care. She stepped out from the protection from water and into the downstream. Her looked up to the smog filled sky's reflecting the orange from the city lights. She felt a loud sob rip from her chest. Her hands lifted up, only bending at the elbows, to her sides.

"Why?" the words barely escaped her lips. Her hands rose further up to her mouth, and she covered her cries.

It seemed that everything she said the other night was pointless. That she didn't mean it. She didn't mean to hurt him. Didn't mean for it to happen like that. That she should have called him, and told him to come back. Told him she was pregnant. Told him how much she loved him, and wanted to be with him. That she didn't want a break.

"Are you okay?" She heard a voice ask. She wiped her head to the voice. It was Elliot's doctor. She tried containing more of her tears.

"I'm scared," she admitted. "...I'm terrified."

"I know, but you can't run away. He needs you. You're partner needs you," he said softly. She didn't know why but she pulled him into a hug, and began crying harder. After a minute or so she pulled back. "I'm not suppose to, but would you like to see him?"

Her eyes lite up slightly. "Please."

Silently she followed him into the ICU. It was hard for her, but she walked into Elliot's room. His head was bandaged, and also his lower back and abdomen. She turned to the doctor.

"Can he hear me?" She asked quietly.

"He hasn't responded to anything we've said... I doubt he can." Olivia looked back to Elliot, and nodded barely. "Just tell me when you leave." He said with a weak smile.

"Thank you," she whispered. He nodded, and left the room.

With a shaky body Olivia walked over to Elliot. It was hard not to start balling, but she held it in. She reached out and touched his face. His skin felt warm on hers. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and feel onto his hospital gown. She reached for his hand, and brought it to her face. Gently she kissed his knuckles. She opened his palm, and placed it on her face. She silently cried like this for a few minutes.

His body was so motionless, and pale. His eyes were sunk in, and lips chapped. She leaned over and pressed her lips to his. Without saying anything she laid on her side next to him. He didn't even flinch. Her fingers traced the outline of his muscles through the hospital gown. They moved up his face. Her fingers wrapped to the other side of his face, and palm was under his chin.

"Don't leave me. You can't leave me," she whispered to him. "I can't raise this baby without you." She grabbed his hand, and rested it on her abdomen. "I can't raise our baby without... I can't live without you." She began to cry again. She gripped his hand, entwining their fingers, and set them between him and her. She didn't realize it, but she'd fallen asleep. When she woke it was the same scene. He was still lost in his own mind, stuck in his own mind.

The months dragged on, and nothing changed. She went to the hospital every chance she got. Spoke to his doctor, whom she learned his name was Cory Baker. She rarely spoke to Elliot, but she always let him know when she was there and when she left. It was hard for her to go every night, keeping it was a secret she was going every night. She still hadn't told them Elliot and her and been in a short term relationship before it happened. They only knew she was pregnant because she began showing.

It was another night at the hospital, and she was sitting in the chair she so often did. She looked out the window, and saw Cory standing outside with a cup of tea for her like he had for the past two weeks. She smiled, and walked out to greet him. She took the warm cup in her hand.

"You're a very devoted partner," he told her.

"Well, we've been partners for 12 years," she explained. She took a sip from her cup.

"Wow, really?"

Olivia nodded. "Almost 13," she barely got out.

"I'm sorry." His tone was soft, and sincere.

"Thank you," she told him. "For helping me through all of this. I know you probably think I'm just some annoying woman who comes here everyday-"

"I don't think that at all," he cut her off. "When I see you as a devoted partner. A kind soul." She locked eyes with him. He leaned in quick, and kissed her. She pushed back.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "You're a nice man, and I can't tell you how much I'm thankful for all you've down for Elliot and I, but-"

"Elliot and I?" He questioned with a tone insinuating they were a couple.

"Yea... Elliot and I." He sighed heavily.

"I should have assumed."

"Well, you know what they say about assuming," she said with a small grin.

"What's that?"

Her grin grew slightly bigger. "Assuming makes an ass out of you and me."

He chuckled lightly. "I meant I should have assumed because your pregnant, and very close to him."

Her hand ran down her enlarged stomach. "I've been trying to keep it a secret it's his."

"I wont say anything," he swore. She smile graciously.

"Thanks."

He stuck out his hand. "Friends?" She grinned, nodded, and shook his hand. She looked back to Elliot.

"I come here every night in hopes of some form of improvement. A twitch, something."

"We've been trying some knew therapy to see if it can enhance brain activity, and movement. Hopefully it will."

"Hopefully."

A total of 7 months had gone by, and Olivia was almost 8 ½ months pregnant. She'd been put on desk duty, and working 5-9 shifts 5 days a week. It sounded odd, but it felt nice to get hours knocked off. And though people kept asking she refused to give the name of her unborn child's father. She felt she looked like a blow fish. She couldn't even fit in Elliot's bed with him anymore.

She sat in the chair starring at him. After of starring at him for 7 months, and walked close to him.

"Elliot," she said out loud. She grabbed his hand, and rest it on her stomach. She could feel the baby kicking inside of her, and against Elliot's hand. A smile appeared on her face. "God I love you so much," she said trying to contain her tears. She felt his hand flinch lightly in hers. She looked down at her hand, and mouth fell slightly agape. "Elliot, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me." Once more, this time while she watched, his hand gripped slightly once more. She felt a relieved laugh escape her, and she tighten her hands on his. "Oh god," she cried, and got closer to him. She sat on the bed beside his leg, and looked at his face.

"I shouldn't have let you leave that night. I should have not even said any of those things, because I didn't mean any of them. It's just didn't give me much time to realize that. Do you understand what I'm saying El?" He squeezed her hand lightly again, and a small smile appeared. "I love you Elliot... Please wake up. Please." She looked at him, and he didn't move an inch. She turned away, facing away from him completely. She looked to his eyes, and saw them fluttering lightly. She paused not knowing if this was a dream or he was awake.

"Olivia," he barely got out. His heart rate began to spike, and nurses rushed in. They pulled her off the bed, and he saw it. Her protruding stomach. He didn't even have time to react, because his head tilted back into his pillow. The nurses were shouting, and running around. Olivia felt a sharp pain rush through her body, and she bent over from the pain. Knowing the nurses were to distracted with Elliot she slowly made her way into the hallway. She saw Cory running down the hall, probably responding to his page of Elliot being awake. She toppled over in pain once more, and then she felt it. A large bust all the way down her leg onto the hospital floor.

"Olivia!" He called out. "You're water just broke."

"I'm aware!" she called out in pain.

"We need a nurse!" He yelled in a demanding manner. She would never admit it but Cory and herself had become rather close during this experience.

A nurse rushed to his side. As soon as he saw the pool of clear fluid he knew what needed to be done. He called for a hospital bed, and transported her to the labor area. She looked over to Cory.

"Please tell me how Elliot's doing... Go, and see! Please!" She barely got out through her pain. Her teeth clenched tightly. She called out once more from a contraction. He nodded, and ran off to Elliot's room. She gripped the metal bars on the side of the hospital bed, and lifted her self up trying to push out the child inside her.

"Don't push yet," the female doctor told her.

"Are you kidding me!" She exclaimed with rage. "You don't want me to push?"

They pulled her legs onto stirrups, and measured how far along she was dilated. The unknown woman doctor that told her not to push looked to Olivia.

"If you want an epidural we have to do it now," she said in a soft voice.

"That'd be nice," she said trying her hardest not to sound sarcastic.

Elliot's head looked over to his doctor, and took a deep breath.

"I can't move my legs?" He asked with a shaky voice.

"You are getting some movement, it is just limited... But no, you can't." Elliot let out a hard breath.

"What happened with Olivia? Where'd she go?" Cory sighed and looked to Elliot.

"Her water broke. She's in labor as we speak... She made me come in here to make sure your okay."

"... How long was I in the coma?" He asked after a moment.

"Close to 7 months."

"So... The babies mine?"

"Yea," Cory said exhaling. "She's probably freaking out in there right now all by herself."

"Take me to her," he said trying to sit up.

"Stay down... I can't take you right now."

"Why not?"

"Starting with the fact that as soon as you woke up you almost went into a stroke," he began. "Look, I want to take you down but I can't. I have to take you to for a MRI and CT scan before I do anything. Sorry."

"I-I understand. Don't want me to slip back into a coma," he said with a sad voice.

"I promise I will get you down there as soon as I can."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

Olivia's felt her daughters tiny fingers wrap around her hair strands. She smiled and ran her hand down her back, soothing her. She heard the door open, and saw Elliot being wheeled in.

"Hey," she barely got out. She suppressed tears of joy. The nurse rolled him up to her bedside, and left them alone.

"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" He asked her.

"I found out after you had gone home. I was going to tell you the next day as soon as I saw you. That everything I'd just said I didn't mean. That I was pregnant. That I couldn't live without you," she began tearing up again. "Then I found out you went undercover... I couldn't get a hold of you. For some god awful reason I felt that you abandoned me, and her. Then that night I got the call you were in a coma, and I didn't care about anything I thought or felt you'd done... Because I just wanted you to wake up, and not leave me." He reached out to her cheek, sending shivers down her spine. It'd been so long she felt his touch. She nudged her head further into his hand.

"I would never leave you," he reminded her. A reminder she desperately needed.

"I know," she replied, nodding. The baby wiggled slightly, and Olivia sat up. One hand placed on her neck propping it up, and the other on her bottom. "I think she wants to see her father." He half grinned. She leaned over close so he wouldn't have to use much energy. He took her in his hands with loving warmth spreading across his face.

"Have you chose a name?" He asked her.

"I didn't know the sex until a half hour ago." He looked up to her. "I didn't want to find out without you. I also didn't want to pick a name without you."

"I've named 5 kids... I think you've got this one." She chuckled lightly. Her fingers ran over the dark full head of jet black hair placed on top of their babies head.

"Iris Jane," she said out loud. He smiled up to her.

"I like it." He looked down to her. "Welcome to the world, Iris Jane." Olivia smiled, and saw a small mocking bird perched outside on a tree branch. It's hum was sweet, and low. She didn't want to, but had to ask.

"Elliot?" She finally said after a few minutes. "Can you walk?" He looked up at her, although she was still looking out the window.

"No," he told her honestly. She nodded, and looked down.

"I was scared of that... We'll push through though," she struggled getting out. Sadness, and worry rang through her voice.

"I'm still kicking." She laughed slightly at his pun, and whipped her tears off her cheek. He took a large gulp, and asked what he'd been wondering for a couple hours. "Did anything happen between you and Dr. Baker? I know it's stupid to ask, but it's just the way he talks about you. The look he gets in his eye when he hears your name..."

"We didn't sleep together," she clarified. "But he did just think you were my partner, and he kissed me... I told him we were in a relationship after I pulled away. He understood. We're just friends. I know he likes me, but like I've said I couldn't live without you." She looked down to Iris. "I couldn't live without my family," she said with a smile.

"She's so beautiful," he said rocking her slightly. Her fathers bright blue eyes where behind her eyelids. Her skin was slightly lighter than Olivia's. It was clear this was their child. "She looks so much like you."

"She looks like you too," she pointed out. Elliot reached up, and handed Iris back to Olivia. With gentle arms she took her 7 lb baby. She looked down at her, and stuck her finger in Iris's small hand.

"Olivia?" He said with a small voice. "Marry me?"

With a quick movement she looked up. "What'd you say?" She asked with astonishment.

He grinned. "I know it's crazy, and I know we have to wait till my divorce finalize... But marry me?"

**Uh-oh, it's the end of part one! And I left you with a cliff hanger! Will she say yes! Will she say no! What happens with their partnership! What happens with their daughter! Find out in PART TWO! Coming soonish! (Don't worry I'm not gonna leave you high and dry! Or at least try my hardest not to!)**


	2. Chapter 2

_**So **_**you know it is a year jump :)**

Let Love In

Part Two

Elliot sighed, and wheeled his chair closer to Kathy. "Just sign the damn papers!" He snapped. He handed the divorce papers. "It's been nearly 2 years since I asked you for a divorce, it's time."

She glared over at him. "You've never told me why you want it?"

"You know why," he fought, and pushed them to her again.

"Because I cheated on you?" She asked. "Because you cheated on me to."

"No I didn't!"

"Oh please, who are you trying to kid? Everyone knows about you and Olivia. Everyone knows you guys are together... You're not fooling anybody. I know Iris is yours."

"I never denied she wasn't, or that Olivia and I weren't together," he told her sharply. "You never asked me... And I _never_ cheated on you with her. I would never do that to you or Olivia. When Olivia and I got together it was after I knew it was over between us, that I was going to ask for a divorce."

She finally took the divorce papers in her hand. "Are you going to ask her to marry you or something?" She spat rudely.

"For your information, I already have... About a year ago." Kathy froze for a second, then continued as if it didn't bother her.

"She said yes?" She asked. Head was facing the divorce papers on the counter in her kitchen.

"No," he said with a hint of sadness. "She said no." She looked back over to him.

"Oh," she said with surprise. "I-I'm sorry," she forced out of her mouth. She felt glad Olivia said no. Not only because she thought Elliot should belong to her, but also she did care about Olivia. If she hadn't she wouldn't have made her Eli's god mother. She wasn't going to lie and say she didn't feel betrayed by her, because she couldn't. But she understood. No matter how much it hurt her to accept she did understand.

_He grinned. "I know it's crazy, and I know we have to wait till my divorce finalize... But marry me?"_

_Olivia's mouth trapped close as she thought of her answer. She didn't want to hurt him, but knew it would. _

"_I want to, but I can't... Not yet. I think we have to figure out how everything is going to work first. Get you back on your feet, figuratively," she elaborated. "And let me do the same." She grinned slightly. "Let's this be like an engaged to be engaged."_

"It's fine," he said. Kathy took her pen from her drawer, and reached over to the papers. Quickly she signed them, and handed them back to Elliot. Like ripping off a bandage.

"As hard as it is for me to say..." She took a deep breath. "I hope she says yes. You deserve to be happy."

"Thank you." She didn't looked up, but could hear his wheelchair rolling off.

Olivia set Iris down inside her crib. She looked over to the door as she heard the front door shut. Quietly she walked out into the hallway, trying not to wake the finally sleeping child.

"Elliot? Is that you?" She asked walking to the front door. She saw Elliot making his way into the living room. He looked up to her with a smile.

"She finally signed the papers!" He said with excitement.

"Really!" She said wrapping her arms around him with glee.

"Yea. I'm now officially divorced!"

"Shh," she quited him. "I just got Iris to sleep," she pleaded. She grinned happily though. "This is exciting!" She hugged him once more, and walked to their kitchen. They'd bought a one story house in Queens with three bedrooms. It just large enough for the three of them, and an office. Their squad new they were a couple now, and Elliot had been placed on desk due to his condition leaving Olivia with Fin as a partner.

"Olivia?" He began, now asking the question he'd been wanting to ask for a while. "Will you not marry me because I'm in a wheelchair?"

She stopped walking, and snapped her body to Elliot. Hurt, and rage filled her eyes. "How can you even say that!"

"Well for starters we haven't had sex since before I went into a coma-"

"It's not because of that! God Elliot it's not because you're in a wheelchair!" She walked back to him. "If I didn't want to marry you because of that I would have left a long time ago. I would never, ever do that to you or Iris. But I did have a baby. My body doesn't look like it did in all the same places."

"That's why?" He asked. She nodded, ashamed that her own insecurities had brought down his and made him second guess her love for him. He reached out for her hand. His leather glove felt cool in her hand. "I don't care what your body looks like, you will always be beautiful and sexy to me." Her cheeks grew flush for a second. They'd been working out together. He could still bench press, and did at least once a day. She tried to do it once a day, but it was hard with her schedule. She was almost back to the weight she was before giving birth.

"Thank you... I needed to hear that."

"I have to ask though, why wont you marry me?"

She half laughed, and half sighed. "El, you only asked me that once. I couldn't say yes. You'd just woken up from a coma, and found out I was having and had your child. You're kind of known for asking the mother of your child to marry you. You did it to Kathy twice... I didn't want for either of us to feel like that was why we would be getting married. And at that moment if I'd said yes I would have felt that way," she explained.

"And now?"

"I still think it's a little soon, but only because you just got your divorce finalized." She took a deep breath. "Can- I show you something?"

"Of course."

"Wait here," she told him. She walked behind him to their storage closet at the back of the house. She opened the door, and reached to the top shelf where she knew Elliot couldn't reach. She pulled down a small pile of drawings she'd done. Making sure Elliot's curious eyes couldn't see the them she brought them into their living room. She set them on the couch, and pushed the coffee table out of the way. Carefully she laid each drawing down.

"What are these?" He asked looking up to her, then back down to each drawing.

"Drawings I've done-"

"You did these?" Shyly she nodded. "I didn't know you drew."

"I, uh, never told anybody I do. I've never let anybody see any of my drawings before.. I draw when I feel very emotional, and keep them till the emotion passes."

"And these ones?" He asked. She looked over to the four laying on the floor.

"The feelings never passed," she admitted. "The one on the top right," she said pointing to the one of a girl sitting on the floor, broken, a swarm of black surrounded her. As if it were devouring her being. "That was when I had gotten out of Sealview. I kept it because I don't think I will ever really lose that feeling of what he did. Get past it and live my life, yes. But not over it."

She walked over to one where a girl was falling fast. Her arms extended upward, reaching for something that wasn't there. The dress she was wearing wrapped around her like a glove. It was madness in a falling form. "This I did the night I found out I was pregnant. I never got over that feeling that I'd made a mistake. That I let you slip away."

She walked over to the next. This was in one corner Olivia draped in Elliot's arms. They were laying down on her bed with a sheet covering their bottom half's. She was turned sideways with her tired arms resting on his chest, her back exposed. He laid facing up with his cheek lightly touching Olivia's head, both asleep. In the other corner it was Olivia laying down in the same bed, but without Elliot. She was curled into a ball, and clutching the sheets. Sorrow and sadness ran across her face. "This was while you were in a coma. It was were I was, and where I wanted to be," she explained.

She smiled and walked to the next. "And this is the day you woke up, and the day Iris was born." It was the only happy one in the batch. A yellow sun gave a woman a silhouette. She stood side ways, looking up, her hands bent at the elbow but were out in front of her. A small flock of birds were flying by, and there was one close to her open palms, flying out of her hand. "When I did this... It was filled with the most love I've ever had."

He looked over to her. "Why are you showing me these?"

She smiled, and sat on his lap. "Because all of these prove that I can't live without you... Because when that happens I lose myself. But when you here, with me... I see the world. The happiness and love I can offer." He wrapped his hands around her waist, and leaned into her. His lips touched hers softly.

"I feel the same way," he whispered to her, and rested his head on her shoulder.

Elliot struggled as his physical therapist pushed his leg further up. He looked over to Olivia who was feeding Iris in the kitchen. His physical therapist set his leg back down.

"Elliot," she said. "You've got to try and move you're leg. I can't keep doing all the work." She said. He felt like he was back in the marines with her. She was his own personal drill Sargent. "If you want to walk you've got to do it."

"I'm trying!" He fought.

"Not hard enough!" She spat back. "Do you want to walk your daughter down the aisle! Do you want to get back into being an actual detective!"

He used all his strength, to the point of were his face ran red. His legs wiggled slightly, and shifted about an inch. It was all he could do, no matter how hard he tried. They just barely moved. For six months its all they would do.

"Come on!" He yelled, trying to move them further.

Olivia looked up at him. She would never say it to him, but it broke her heart when she saw how hard he was trying and how slow he was progressing. After the nights of his physical therapy when he thought she was sound asleep she'd hear him crying. Sometimes he'd pray to God all night just to let him walk so they could be a family. She knew he felt that because he couldn't walk he couldn't be the father and boyfriend he wanted to be for them. Though she'd reassure him frequently that wasn't the case he'd cry about it at night. And she let him.

Three days had past since she'd opened up completely to him. Showed him how she dealt with her strong feelings. It'd brought them closer together, but it was clear to Olivia he was still holding back something. She could see it in his eyes.

"I can't," he cried out.

"You have to!" Barb yelled at him.

"I can't!" He snapped. He pushed himself into an upward position. "Do you not understand that? No matter how hard I try I can't move them!"

Olivia quickly walked past them to her bedroom. She sat on the bed with her daughter in her arms, and cried softly.

Liz looked over to Elliot. "Elliot," she said softly. "Do you know why I push you so hard?" She asked him. He shook his head. "Because I see how important it is to you... for you and your family. I see the hurt in your eyes, and in hers." She sighed. "I push you so hard because I want you to be happy. I want you to walk as soon as possible."

"Thank you," he said smiling weakly. She smiled back, and stood up.

"Time for the bars," she said getting right back into her aggressive actions.

Olivia looked down at the cup filled with amber liquid. The scent of alcohol filled the room like a bad perfume, and music echoed with the people muttering. Talking about their problems, or want to get with someone. Others danced on the dance floor, swaying softly to the slow song. Starting new relationships. Fresh love. In the back she could hear an argument, and a long term relationship coming to a bitter end.

She lifted the glass, the perspiration making her hand damp and clammy. She looked down, and closed her eyes. She stayed like this for a few seconds, and looked back up. She took a large drink from her glass, and forced it down. It was her third glass, and she'd just began to feel the effect of it.

She chugged the rest of it, and put her glass down with her money owed. She walked out, and halted a taxi. She quickly got into it, and drove to an unfamiliar apartment complex. It was blue and brick, just like every other apartments in New York. The door was painted black with large window panes. She searched for his apartment on the list for buzzers, and only gave her name to him. Slowly she made her way to his apartment.

His door was open when she'd reached his floor, waiting for her. She stumbled into his apartment, and he was standing by the bar attached to the kitchen. Everything in it was home was tan or black. His walls were a pale white, with a slight tint of ivory.

"Olivia, what are you doing here?" He asked with a quite voice.

"I really need someone to talk to," she said trying not to cry. She looked over to Cory. He'd been the one she'd go to if there was something she couldn't tell Elliot. Which the only time that happened was when it was about Elliot.

"I'm all ears," he said leading them to his couch. It was black, and large. The sectional took up well over half of his small cramped living room.

"I don't I can keep doing this," she said slumping into the couch. "It hurts so bad."

"What does?"

"Having to watch Elliot go through this! Now matter how hard he tries he's not progressing at all! I can't keep being around it!" She cried.

"Why you can't keep being around it?" He asked.

"Emotionally. I mean I love him, but like I said it hurts me."

He sighed. "What are you going to do to stop letting it hurt you, because he is like this. No matter how much you hope and pray he's not going to be able to walk over night."

"I know. And I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have to do something, because I can't keep living like this. Worried that if something happens to Iris, he wont be able to reach her and help her. Worried that he's never gonna be able to walk again. Worried it's going to change him. Worried it's going to change us."

"Olivia, those are very common fears. It's how we deal with them that make us who we are. You just need to find out how you need to handle it to make yourself happy." She nodded. "What do you mean he's not progressing?"

She looked down, and took a deep breath. "He can only move his leg about an inch, and that's using all of his strength."

"He should at least be standing on his own now?"

"He's not," she explained. "And it scares me." She felt her head swimming fast. He looked over to her.

"Olivia."

She didn't reply but looked over at the wall. Her head rolled slightly. Everything she saw became blurred.

"Olivia, are you okay?" He asked worried.

Olivia opened her eyes to a pitch black room. She was laying on a soft bed, and her head was pushed deep into the pillow. She shifted slightly, and realized she was in her underwear and bra. She couldn't remember going home, but she rolled over and saw Elliot's body form laying beside her.

Her mind raced. It went back a week ago, remembering how Elliot felt that she didn't want him because he was in a wheelchair. The guilt from that was eating her. She didn't want him to think that at all. She knew for a fact it wasn't the reason though. She didn't want him thinking that at all. She sat up slightly. She would show him that it wasn't the case. That she'd love him no matter the physical state he was in.

She rolled on top of him, straddling him. She leaned down to his ear, and kissed his cheek lightly. She felt him wake up underneath her.

"I know how long you've wanted this," she whispered slightly. She attacked his mouth before he could reply. Every corner of his mouth was reached. She pulled up, and took off her bra, tossing it to the floor. "Put your hands on me," she whispered searching for his hands.

She touched his rough hands, and he moved them over her bare breast. A pleasure filled breath escaped her mouth. The familiar warmth filling every inch of her body. She could feel his excitement quickly growing against her skin. Her hands moved from his and down to his chest. They traced his muscles, and she leaned back down to him. She rolled herself against him, and attached her lips to his once more. His lips moved away from her, and to her neck. He sucked at it wildly all the way top to the tip of her breast, and she gripped his biceps.

"I want you in me," she whispered seductively. That was all he needed to give him the last boost. She sat back up. She moved her panties over to the side, and pushed herself down on him. They moaned together, and she rested her hands on his chest. She began a rhythm and pace. Every few seconds it grew faster. He went deeper than he had ever, and the sensation was better than she anticipated. One of his hands gripped her wrist tightly, and the other her hip. She realized just how much she missed, and yearned for Elliot's touch.

She felt his legs move slightly, but not much. The sweat was building fast as she rammed her hot core on him, using every bit of energy she could each time. Her head tipped back with pleasure, and tried not make him bleed with her clutching fingernails. She felt her end coming, and tried pushing it off as long as she could. She bent down, and now gripped his shoulders.

"Oh god," she whimpered. She moaned once more. "I love you... I love you so much," she got out. She felt herself relief of pressure.

"I love you too," he exclaimed loudly as he came to his end.

She froze, and her stomach climbed into her throat. She reached over for the string to her lamp, but did not find it. She found a lamp though, and turned it on. She looked down to who was beneath her. He sat up and kissed her, and gripped her wrist. He rolled them over quickly, and began moving inside her again. She wiggled, trying to break free, but he took it as to kiss her deeper, and go faster and deeper. Finally he pulled away from her face, but continued thrust into her. He moaned loudly.

"Stop!" She cried out, but he didn't. He couldn't hear her over his own voice. He kept pumping in and out. He began sucking at her collar bone again and with heavy hands gripped her hips. "Stop!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, tears streaming down her face. "Get the fuck off me!" She said flinging herself back on top of him. He stopped, surprised. She leaned over the side of the bed letting the contents flow out her stomach and onto the floor.

He sat up slightly, and placed his hand on her back worried about her, but it caused her to jump. She pulled him out of her, and got off of him grabbing a sheet with her. She wrapped the sheet around her violated body. Her tired body still in his bed, on the other side of him.

"What the fuck!" She called out. "What am I doing here!"

"You came over here," Cory said with a confused voice.

"No. No I didn't... I was at the bar, and then I woke up in what I thought was my house!" She said getting off of his bed. She grabbed her bra from the floor. He reached out and touched her arm. "Don't touch me!"

"You came here to talk about Elliot. Don't you remember?" He said with surprise surrounding his throat. He was so confused, by everything that had just happened.

"No, I definitely do not remember! And what made you think I wanted to sleep with you!" She snapped looking for the rest of her clothes.

"For starters you told me that you couldn't take being with Elliot anymore!-"

"I wouldn't have meant it like that if I told you that!"

"Well, thats how it sounded. And secondly you started having sex with me!"

"Thinking you were Elliot!"She paused for a moment, coming to a realization. Her hand found it's way over her mouth. "Oh my god, I cheated on him," she barely got. "I cheated on Elliot!" She said with a crumbling voice. She looked over to Cory. "You let me cheat on him-"

"I thought it was what you wanted!"

"Why would I want to tare my family apart? Why would I destroy what I've waited twelve years to have?" She shook her head. "I have to go..."

"I never would have done anything if I thought it wasn't what you wanted... I'm so sorry Olivia. I would never want you to do anything you didn't want to."

"But you did," she said with tear filled eyes. The words hurt him. She looked around the room. "Where are my clothes?" She directed at him.

"I don't know. You were the one to take them off." She huffed, and walked into his hallways, leaving him alone in his bed.

She collected her clothes quickly, and threw them over her body. She ran out of his apartment, used the stairs instead of the elevator, and out into the middle of the road. Her heart pounding loudly. She looked for her car, but it was not there.

She could see a taxi rolling down the street, its light still on. She stayed in the middle of the road, making sure the taxi would have to stop for her. It did. She walked to it's side and got in.

"Were to?" He asked using the rear view mirror to look back at her.

"Park, and Riverside," she directed assuming she'd left her car at the bar. She was crying silently the whole time. He didn't ask her if she was okay, just looked back every so often. He pulled into the bar parking lot, and she saw her car still parked in the now vacant parking lot. She paid her fair, and walked over to her car.

Reaching for her keys in her back pocket, she felt her cell phone. She pulled them both out at the same time. She turned her phone on, and saw she had three missed calls and four text all from Elliot. She let out a shaky, tear filled breath, and shoved her phone back in her pocket. She unlocked her door, and stuffed herself in it.

She drove to the nearest art supply store just down the road. Luckily for her it was still open. She walked in quickly, in fear it was closing soon. She grabbed a medium sized canvas, a small set of oil paint, and paint brushes. She walked up to the counter to pay for them, and the small girl behind the counter looked at her with surprised eyes. The girl was no more that 18, her pink and blue hair was thrown up in chop sticks, and tight fitting shirt. Olivia set down her things on the counter, but the girl continued to looks a her.

"Are you okay?" She asked sincerely. Olivia took a deep breath. She had no idea how she looked, but knew it wasn't good.

Olivia sniffed. "I-I'm fine," she lied.

"Are you sure? Do-do you want me to call the police?"

Olivia laughed weakly. "I am the police," she told her. "I'm fine though. I just need these," she said pushing her products closer to the girl. The girl nodded slightly, and rang up her things.

She walked back to her car, and sat there for a minute. She couldn't go back home. Not after doing that to Elliot. She couldn't face him. So she drove to a hotel close to their house, and check herself into it. She didn't care about the quality. She just needed a place to rest her head, and think of how she would handle this situation.

She made her way into the hotel room, which wasn't bad at all for the price she paid for it. She set her art supplies and bag with extra cloths she'd always carried in her car down, and walked into the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was astray, and it looked like she had large bruises all across her chest and neck. Slowly she began to undress. Her legs were red still from the activities that occurred, and her wrist were still red as well. Her eyes were red from crying, and lips plump from kissing him. Nail marks were down her sides.

Taking a step closer to the mirror, her hands ran over her naked body. Her heart sunk, and chest hurt from breaking her own heart. If doing this broke her own heart, she couldn't imagine the damage it would do to Elliot if he found out.

She saw a candle with a stand, and grabbed it upside down. Using the bottom end of the stand she slammed it into the mirror. The crash ran through the bathroom, echoing. The shards fells across the floor, decorating it with its own reflections. She looked back to where the mirror was, and now the wall was there. The only parts of the mirror that were still there were in the corners, and she couldn't see herself. She couldn't look at herself right now. Shame rushed through her veins like a sick drug. Intoxicating her being. Taking over her life.

Carefully, avoiding the glass, she walked to the tub. She turned the water boiling hot, and filled the tub near the top with it. With delicate feet she stepped down into it. The water burning her skin. She sunk into the water. Letting her skin become as red as the red sin on her leg. With both hands on both side of the tub she let herself fall under the surface of the water. She opened her eyes, and saw the distorted ceiling. She wondered how long it would take the water to fill her lungs. How easy it would be to take her own life at that very moment. She opened her mouth, and sucked the water into her lungs.

Within that sort second as the water crashed harshly into her lungs, hitting the walls filling them... She saw Elliot holding Iris. A smile on his face, and love in his eyes. The love for her, and his daughter. It occurred to her in that second that she couldn't leave them. She couldn't be as selfish as doing that.

She pushed herself back above the surface, gasping for air. The water crashed loudly beside her. She leaned over the side of the tub, and coughed heavily. Water rushed out of her lungs, and air pushed its self in. It felt heavy as the air hit her lungs once more. She used her hands, and pushed her wet hair out of her face, and behind her.

She sat for a second taking in the fact that she'd done something she had never done before. Tried to kill herself. It surprised her. She questioned if she was over reacting. That if it was worth taking her life for accidentally cheating on the man she'd give anything for. She knew it wasn't enough reason...

The reason hit her why she tried to as she stood up out of the water and felt the cold air rush over her bare body. She knew she wasn't raped... She had willing given herself up to him, but while thinking it was another. He used her. He tricked her. Deceived her. Showed her that her body could still be taken advantage of. It stung her heart.

Not only was there that but she'd asked him to stop, and she'd fought back. He didn't though. He continued right on until she made him stop. She knew he could have easily not heard her or thought she said don't stop, but because she knew what she'd said it made it seem worse. The fact she had to force him to stop, and plead, and fight made it worse. She'd felt like he'd taken a piece of her heart.

Not caring now she walked through the bathroom out to the bed where her change of clothes was. She put them over her wet body. She looked over to the canvas and set it down on the floor. She opened the paints, and began placing them over the white.

Her mind ran fast, and fast she realized she couldn't tell Elliot. She knew it would kill her everyday not to, and knew she wanted to badly. She knew it would kill him though. He already felt that she was pulling away from him and didn't want him anymore. If he knew that she cheated she knew it would be the end of their relationship, no matter the circumstance. She would rather it kill her than it hurt him at all.

She would have to go to her doctors before she could sleep with Elliot again to get tested for STD's. She couldn't even imagine screwing him for life because of her infidelity. She knew it would at least be another 6 months for the test to be 100% conclusive.

She paused from painting for a second as it occurred to her that she could have gotten pregnant. If she did she couldn't pass it off as Elliot because they hadn't slept together in a long time, and couldn't for a while. She took a deep breath, and thought that bridge would have to be crossed only if she was.

Elliot laid in bed worried, and starring at the ceiling. He'd called Olivia, but she did not answer all night. The morning sun was long risen, and he'd gotten to take care of Iris twice since it had gotten up. He heard shuffling in the office next to him, and he pushed himself up. He got into his wheelchair, and rolled into the door. He tried to open it, but it was locked.

"Whose in there?" He called out.

"It's just me, El," he heard Olivia call out from the other side. He could tell something was wrong from the tone in her voice.

"Why is the door locked?" He asked. He heard shuffling, and she opened the door. Her hair was in it's natural state, which was rare to see. She wore no make up, and had tired sad eyes. And even though it was in the middle of summer she had on a turtle neck jacket. "Cold?" He questioned.

She looked down at her jacket. "A little," she lied. She walked past him to their bedroom. She grabbed clothes from her side of the dresser, and looked over at Elliot who was in the door way. She wanted to come clean right then and there. "Is Lizzy going to watch Iris?" She asked knowing they had to head in for work soon, and it was a Saturday. She avoided making eye contact with him.

"Uh, yea. She'll be here in about a half hour." He rolled closer to her. "Liv, what's wrong?"

She looked down, and cleared her throat. She stood up. "Nothing," she lied once more, and pushed past him to their bathroom. She slammed the door shut before he could say anything else. She turned on the shower, and quickly washed off. When she step out she left the shower on, and looked in the mirror. She pulled out her foundation from the drawer beside the sink. Crying loudly while she covered the hickeys covering her neck and chest till they were not visible. She pulled her over her, and looked at her wrist, thankful she hadn't left bruises. She turned off the shower head, and did her hair and make up as she usually did. Putting on a mask as if everything was okay.

She walked out of the bathroom and searched for Elliot. He was sitting in the living room with Lizzy, talking to her. She slumped down next to him. He smiled at her, and she smiled weakly back.

He could see in her eyes that something was wrong. That something had happened last night that affected her greatly. But he could also he wasn't going to tell him. He knew it was bad though. He wouldn't ask yet though.

"What time do you think you'll be home?" Lizzy asked bouncing Iris on her knee.

"No later than 10," Olivia promised with a flat voice. She looked at her watch. "We should get going," she added taking in notice they had to be at work in 15 minutes.

"Do you want something to eat before we go?" He asked.

"I'm good." She stood. She couldn't remember the last time she'd ate, but knew she wasn't hungry. She took a deep breath trying to keep herself from yawning given that she didn't sleep at all. She'd tried, but just ended up laying in the hotel bed for three hours.

Elliot looked to Olivia across his desk to hers. He could see she looked sadder today, and was jumpy. Her eyes looked tired, and haunted. She slumped over her table, and he could tell she was trying not to fall asleep.

"Olivia," he said sweetly and she looked up to him. "Is everything alright?"

She was stupid for thinking she could put on an act with him. She knew he could see right through her. "It's fine," she insisted. "I'm fine." She cleared her throat. "I'm gonna go get lunch. What do you want?" 

"Uh, just a sub please," he said sadly. He wanted deeply to know what was running through her mind.

She nodded lightly, and grabbed her purse going outside. She drove quickly to the sub shop a few blocks down, and ordered a foot long Philly cheese steak for her and Elliot to split. When she got back into the parking garage she saw Cory standing by her parking spot. She got of her car with the food in her hand, and walked up to him.

"Why the hell are you here?" She spat at him coldly.

"I was worried about you. I came to talk," he replied.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Olivia, please."

She set down the food on the trunk of her car, and turn back to him. "Fine. Talk."

"Look," he said taking a step closer to her. "I'm sorry for last night. I honestly thought you though it was me."

"Why didn't you say something? Anything?" She asked. He didn't have an answer her question. "Why didn't you stop when I fought back? When I cried and screamed at you to stop?"

"I thought you said don't stop," he admitted. "Then when I did hear you, you stop it."

"Cory..." She paused and looked down. "You used me for sex. You knew damn well I wasn't in my right mind last night."

"God, you are such a fucking tease!" He yelled, and took a step closer. He put his hands on both sides of her blocking her in. "You have sex with me and then blame me! Tell me you love me and how bad you want me inside of you then turn it around on me!" He gripped her arms tightly. "I love you, Olivia, and you keep fucking with my mind!"

He forced his lips to hers, and her knee found it's way to his crotch. He pulled back in pain, and his hand thrashed across her face. The force turned her around. With one hand she stabled herself with the car, and her other was placed over her stinging cheek.

"Leave," she said quietly.

"Excuse me?" He asked. She turned to him. Rage filling every inch of her body.

"Get the hell out of here before I fucking castrate you, you piece of worthless shit. And if I ever see your face again I will arrest you on any charge I can think of," she spat. His face turned to stone, and he stormed off to his car.

She took three breath, trying not to cry, but failed. Someone that she trusted to do that to her. She leaned again her car, and tried to regather herself. She heard footstep behind her, causing her to jump. She saw Fin walking up to her. She guessed he was walking to his car which he always parked next to her.

"Olivia, are you okay?" He asked seeing her. She walked up to him and gave him an embracing hug. At first he was surprised, but then he wrapped his arms around her. He let her cry on his shoulder. When she pulled back he saw the red hand mark across her face. "Who hit you?"

"No one," she clearly lied.

"I can see the mark on your face," he fought.

"It's nothing."

"Olivia?"

"Fin, I-I can't talk about it. I'm sorry."

"Olivia, you can tell me."

She took a deep breath, and grabbed her food. "I can't. I'm fine." She walked away from him, and straighten herself up. "I'm fine," she tried convincing him and herself.

The months rolled on and she'd finally gone back to normal. She had slipped into a deep depression, but was able to pull herself back out for her family. Elliot had continuously asked what was wrong, but she stood firm and didn't tell him. She finally stopped blaming herself for it, and realized that yes thought she did sleep it was not her fault, because he tricked her. Elliot and her had begun sleeping together again, and she couldn't imagine being in anyone else's arms ever again. The only thing she still had were the dreams and nightmares. Sometimes it was of Elliot being the one she was actually with that night. Sometimes it was her screaming to stop and him not. And the rest it was her not stopping. No matter which one it was when she woke up she would cry when she woke up.

She felt bad for not telling. She knew he deserved to know, but she couldn't because she didn't want to hurt him. For a long time he blamed himself for her being depressed, but she made sure he knew that wasn't why. Then he would ask her why she was then, but she kept her mouth shut.

Finally she was back to who they were before that night, and she couldn't have been happier. He'd even slowly started progressing more in his physical therapy, but not till the last couple weeks. She realized she was his motivation to walk. When she was happy and giving him the love he deserved he was happier. She was happy he was happy. It seemed every night they were sleeping together now, and it didn't grow old. Just being in his arms was more than she could ask for. The love they had for each other sent them both on cloud nine.

**Will she tell him? Will he ever walk again? What happened to Cory? Do we care what happens to Cory? Will she finally say yes to marrying him! **

**I know it's a lot shorter than the last but hey it's still 13 pages!**


	3. Chapter 3

**4 yr time jump!**

Let Love In

Part Three

Elliot rolled his head around his neck as his waking body became aware of his surroundings. He lifted his head off his pillow, taking in notice Olivia wasn't in their bed. He sat up, and the smell of coffee filled the room.

"Mommy, can I get some orange juice?" Iris asked with wide tired eyes. Olivia's hand rest on top of her head.

"Sure, Honey," she replied turning to the fridge. She grabbed the gallon, and a glass. When she turned back around she saw Elliot leaning against the counter yawning. "Good morning," she said with a smile. She poured a small glass of oj for Iris, and gave it to her.

"Morning," he said looking at her. He sighed, and looked down to Iris. "Why don't you go wake up your brother, and we can go get some donuts." Her face lite up, and she handed her father her glass. As soon as he took it she ran off to the old office. Elliot set her glass on the counter, and walked over to Olivia. They wrapped around each other, and rested there foreheads against the others.

"We're getting married today," Olivia said with a smile.

"I know," he replied sweetly. He pulled back and looked at her face directly. He kissed her lightly, and she rested her head on his chest. They both heard the small footsteps coming closer to them, and the pulled away slightly to look at their children.

"Good morning, Bryson," Olivia said pulling away from Elliot. She walked over to Bryson, and picked him up. She rested her two year old on her hip, and kissed his cheek lightly. She looked back to Elliot. "You guys gonna change before you go?"

He shrugged. "Really no point, because we'll be changing again in a couple hours. I'm just going to go throw on a shirt." He said walking off.

"I want a jelly filled donut!" Iris exclaimed with joy. Olivia chuckled slightly.

"Can you get me one to?" She asked, and Iris nodded multiple times. It surprised Olivia how fast she'd grown up. It'd seemed like yesterday she was bringing her home, and now she had just turned five. "Thank you. You should go get your shoes," she said. "Can you get Bryson's too?"

"Yep," she said, and skipped over to her room. Elliot walked back out wearing a navy blue NYPD shirt written in white. She smiled slightly due to the irony that he put on his work t-shirt, and was heading out for donuts.

"She almost ready?" He asked and Olivia nodded. "What time are the girls coming?"

"Uh, about an hour," she said looking over to the wall clock.

"Alright." He took Bryson in his arms as Iris ran back in with their shoes. She sat down on the ground, and put her shoes down. Olivia squatted, and tied the laces. Elliot picked up Bryson's and slipped them on his feet. "I'll be back in a bit."

"Can't wait," she said with a small smile. He smiled back, and took Iris's hand. He kissed her goodbye, and left. Olivia walked to her private bathroom, with a smile glued to her face. She took a quick shower, and blew dry her hair. When she walked back out Elliot was walking to the dinning room table with a fresh box of donuts. "Perfect timing," she joked. She sat down between Bryson and Iris.

"We had to wait a few on the some of the donuts," he said.

"It's fine."

There was a knock at the door, and Elliot walked over to it. Opening the door he saw his daughters frantic on the other side. Their hair done up nicely, and caring their dresses.

"Dad! What are you doing here?" Maureen asked. "It's bad luck!"

"Leaving soon," he pointed out. He walked back to the dinner room, where Olivia and their kids were waiting for him to eat. "Hey Buddy," he said to Bryson. "Why don't you bring your donuts with you, and we go over your brothers house?" He asked, referring to the now 21 year Dicky. Bryson smiled.

"Anything to get away from these girls," he answered with a soft voice. Everyone laughed slightly. They all knew he didn't talk much, but when he did it was always cute punch lines. Elliot lifted him out of his booster seat.

"Alright, Buddy."

Olivia stood, and kissed Bryson. "I see you later." She said. She looked to Elliot. "You too," she said kissing him goodbye.

"Ew," Bryson and Iris said in sync.

"Alright Love Birds, he's gotta go. He's not even suppose to be here!" Kathleen said pushing her father out of the dinning room and down the hall. "Go!" she yelled. Elliot laughed, and left.

Olivia looked in the mirror they had set up in the small room inside the large chapel. They'd decided it would be best to have a Catholic wedding considering she did not have a religion. Her head tilted sideways, letting the curls that went mid way to her stomach lean further. She'd let her hair grow out all the way down slightly past her chest, but was wearing extensions. It was pulled back lightly in a half ponytail, falling lightly around her face. The vial draped down her back into her train.

Her dress was tight, and strapless. It was slightly sweethearted, showing off her curves, but not deep enough to offend any of his family. It was folded down and crossed (creating the sweetheart) and one went under the other. A broach in the back connected the two sections, and also flew down into the long train. The bottom was just a simple flow out, it wasn't princess or straight down, just plain.

"You almost ready?" Lizzy asked, walking into the room. Olivia turned to her.

"Uh, yea." She lifted her gown, and walked towards the door. Lizzy smiled.

"You look great," she said.

"Thanks," Olivia replied graciously. They quickly walked to the large doors leading into the actual chapel. They stood in order in which they would walk down the aisle.

The doors opened, and it seemed like an eternity before Olivia had made it to the door. She watched as the people closest to her stood, and looked directly at her. Her eyes moved from them to Elliot, waiting at the end of the aisle like she'd dreamt so long. Cragen walked up beside her, and locked his arm underneath hers. She'd asked him to give her away because she was he closest thing she'd ever had to a father. He gladfully accepted. The music began to play, and she walked down the aisle looking at him the whole time. He had a silly grin on his face, and his hands were clasped inside each other. When she reached the end Cragen took her hand and placed it on his. He kissed her cheek, and took his seat in the front row next to Elliot's mother.

Olivia gave her flowers to Kathleen, turned to Elliot, and stepped up to his level. He took her other hand, and place them both in front of them. As if it were a second nature they began reading there vows from the bible, and then came time to give their personal vows.

"Olivia," Elliot said taking the ring from Bryson. "We've had our ups and downs over the years." She laughed slightly, well knowing it was the truth. "But we've always stayed strong. And through everything we have gone through with each other I know we can surpass anything. And with this ring I am willing to prove that to you for the rest of my life."

"Elliot," she began. "Though it took me a long time to admit it I have loved you since the first day I met you. Which is saying a lot," she joked. "But even when I denied it and would push you away you stood firm. You've always been my rock. The thing that's kept me strongest. I love you more than I have loved any man. And I can't picture a single day that goes by without you in it."

The priest smiled. "Do you, Elliot Stabler, take Olivia Benson to be your lawfully wedded wife through sickness and health until death do you part?" He asked.

"I do," Elliot said without a second thought.

"And do you, Olivia Benson, take Elliot Stabler to be your lawfully wedded husband through sickness and health until death do you part?"

Olivia smiled from cheek to cheek. "I do," she replied.

"I know pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride," he announced.

Elliot smiled, and grabbed the back of Olivia's neck. He brought her to him, and gave her a passionate kiss. Her arms wrapped around him lovingly, and it seemed they were the only ones in the room. When she pulled back they were both smiling foolishly.

Elliot walked over to Lizzy who was sitting by herself at the end of the table. The reception had been going for thirty minutes, and people had already began dancing.

"Hey Kiddo, what's wrong?" He asked her. She looked over to him.

"It's nothing," she fibbed.

"Elizabeth," he continued. She sighed.

"It's just... It's not that I'm not happy for Olivia and you. I'm glad you both are happy... And we all knew you two would end up together, but..." she sighed again.

"She's not your mother?" Elliot asked, and she replied nodding yes.

"Yea, I guess I just always kind of hoped you would get back together... Though I know that would never happen because of what Mom did to you, and how you love Olivia."

"It's nice to hope sometimes, even when we know it's not going to happen," he told her encouraging her. She smiled.

"Thanks."

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I love you," he reminded her.

"Love you too."

"Why don't you get up and dance?" He suggested. She smiled wider.

"Only if you do," she replied knowing her father could not dance.

"Deal," he said, nodding.

Olivia looked over to Elliot dancing with Lizzy on the dance floor, and couldn't control her laughter. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she turned around. A girl with red hair, and ice blue eyes stood in front of Olivia. She was petite, and slender.

"Summer?" She said with a smile. "I'm glad you could make it."

"Well, you gave me the day off," she replied joking. "You look beautiful, Captain."

"Thank you." They smiled at each other, and Baker's eyes caught Elliot.

"Chief, can't dance," she pointed out.

Olivia chuckled slightly. "He can ballroom dance," she told her. Summer lifted her eyebrow.

"Really?" she said still holding her smile. "You guys gonna tango for your first dance?"

"Ha ha, no." She looked around. "Is your husband here?" She asked her.

"Uh, somewhere," Summer said, and looked around the reception hall. "I should probably go try and find him."

"Alright... Thanks for coming."

"It was my pleasure." She walked away. Olivia sat back in her chair.

She thought of the changes that had occurred over the last couple years. Both Cragen and Munch had retired, first giving Elliot the Captain spot. But when the chief of police died of a stroke Elliot was once again promoted, leaving Olivia as the Captain of the Special Victims Unit. Three replacements had come in. Fin was paired with Olivia until she got promoted, and then Elliot's replacement, Summer, became his partner. The two others were Berry, a younger version of Elliot, and Lucas, who was more a technical man, but also a damn good detective.

Not only had her life at work changed dramatically, her home life had too. Before Bryson was born two years ago Lizzy had moved in. Her and Kathy had gotten into a big fight, and Lizzy just didn't want to stay with her anymore. Two months before they found out they were expecting again Lizzy had moved out to an apartment closer to NYU. She was going for pre-med. And then when Bryson came everything had once again turned around for them. She was lucky to have Elliot, who was use to dealing with multiple small children at once.

Last year Elliot began walking on his own again. Before that he was walking with a cane or walker for over two years. The day that he took his first steps was the same day Bryson took his. Everyone, including themselves, found it slightly ironic. But Bryson had never seen his father walk before, and the day he did Bryson had also wanted to strictly because his father was. She had to admit it was one of her favorite stories to tell.

"And now we would like to welcome the happy couple to the dance floor," the DJ said. "For their first dance as husband and wife."

Elliot looked over to Olivia, as she gracefully walked to him. The dance floor quickly became empty around them. Their song began to play and he took her in his arms. They danced slowly around the dance floor, and to their surprise it began rain balloons. They paused and looked up. They chuckled slightly, and looked back into the others eyes. Seeing the rest of their lives fill them.

Elliot looked over to Olivia laying beside him. Her bare back facing him. His hands smoothed over her hips, and she looked over to him. You could just barely see the outline of her face in the moonlight. He moved closer to her, and kissed her shoulder.

"Elliot?" she asked.

"Who else?" He replied with a smile. She sighed, and smiled back. He paused for a moment, and sat up. "Why is it you always ask if it's me when I wake you up in the middle of the night? You never did before I woke up from the coma?" He wondered. He'd been wondering for the past couple years. She pulled back from him slightly.

She pushes away from him completely and got out of the bed. She threw her robe over her shoulders, and walked over to the wall which was really just a large window. "Why do you care?"

"I'm just curious."

She turned only her head away from the beach in front of her, and slightly to Elliot. "I just woke up so many times with out you there... I ask to make sure it's not a dream," she half lied. That was one of the reasons, but not the main reason. She looked back out of the window.

He got out of the bed, and walked to her. He rested his hand on her shoulder, and leaned in close to her ear. "Come back to bed," he whispered. She looked at him slightly, and nodded. He took her hand, and led her back to their hotel bed. He crawled over to his side on his knees and looked to her. "What's wrong?" He asked noticing she was still standing. She shook the thought she had in her head away, and crawled next to him.

"It's out last night here," she said to Elliot. She draped her arms around Elliot. "I don't to think about what happened, I want to think about now. How you're here now." She kissed his cheek, forehead, nose, then mouth. "How I want to spend the last night of our honeymoon." He smiled, and pushed them down to the bed once more.

Olivia rolled over to her other side, and found Elliot close by. His warm breath hit her face gently. The glow from the morning sum luminated both of their skin. Her soft hand ran up his bare chest to his face. Transferring the pressure to her fingertips she moved them along his prominent features, and landed on his lips. She felt him twitch, and his eyes opened.

"Morning," she whispered to him as she rolled her hand close to his ear.

"Morning," he replied back with a tired voice. She smiled slightly.

"Is it bad to not want to go back?" She joked.

He laughed slightly. "Kinda." He rubbed his hand over her side. "But I don't want to either. I like sleeping in, and having to deal with the little ones running." She laughed, pushing herself further into the pillow. "I like laying naked in our bed, and not having a care in the world because all I could ask for is laying beside me."

She moved in closer to him, and pressed her open mouth on his. They stayed like this for a few minutes. Sweetly kissing, and caressing each other. Finally Elliot pulled back.

"Liv, I'm sorry if I upset you last night by what I said," he apologized.

"Don't be. I just like looking back on that."

"I understand," he said with a sigh. He could see the sadness in her eyes now, the sadness he couldn't see last night. "We should head out soon to the airport," he said getting out of the bed. Olivia watched as he walked to the bathroom. "Care to join?"

She stood slowly, and walked over to him.

Olivia sighed tired. They'd gotten in to New York City at midnight, and had to wake up early to get Iris ready for her first day of school. This was their last day before they had to go back to work.

Olivia pulled Iris long black bouncy hair into a half ponytail, letting her bangs fall. Iris's was now always curled in long spirals, and reached her belly button. It amazed Olivia how much her daughter loved her hair. She also found it a bit funny how her daughters hair was lovely and flowing her was thrown into a bun because she'd yet to take a shower.

"Here's your lunch," Elliot said walking into Iris's room. He carried a purple lunch box with a cartoon character on it.

"Thanks Daddy," she said with a large smile. She pulled away from Olivia.

"Whoa there, you gotta stay still sweetheart," she warned.

"Sorry," she apologized.

"It's fine."

"Why can't Bryson come?" Iris asked with big eyes. Olivia loved how much her and Bryson got along. They hardly ever fought.

"Because he's not old enough," Elliot explained. He was glad that Bryson was still fast asleep in his room. "You have to be 5 to start school."

"That's stupid. Bryson should come," she fought. Olivia chuckled, and rested her hair down.

"We have to go, her school's ten minutes away and class starts in fifteen," Olivia said standing. Elliot nodded. They quickly drove to her elementary school, and slowly watched as Iris skipped off into her room. They'd already been shown were her classes were and meet her teachers so they didn't have to come in with them on the first day.

"Liv, you okay?" Elliot asked taking in notice that tears began forming in her eyes.

"Uh, fine... just didn't expect for her to start school so soon," she admitted.

"I know. Time flies." He put the car in drive, and drove them back to their home. When she walked through the door she instantly headed towards the shower. She quickly got ready, and found Elliot sitting on the computer with an angry face.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"The cable broke, and the computer wont turn on," he complained.

"Uh," she thought for a second. "I think there's an extra in a box in the attic." He huffed, annoyed and walked to the center of the hall where the string to the attic was. He pulled down the stairs, and climbed into the musty attic. He turned on the light on the side of the wall, and began searching for the box labeled 'computer'. He'd only been in the attic twice in the five years he'd lived here, and didn't know where anything was.

He stumbled, and knocked a box over. "Shit," he mumbled and went to pick up the box. A large black bag caught his eye though. He tilted his head, and grabbed it from where it was hidden. It was clear it had been hidden because it was laying flat against the back of the wall behind a wall of boxes. He took off the large black garbage bag, and found a painting underneath it.

What he saw made his mouth drop. It was Olivia standing in front of a mirror, her hands tightly gripped the sink, and blood dripped from her wrist flowing to the ground. In the reflection she was demonic. Her eyes glew red, and mouth looked hungry. The blood that pooled at the bottom had a dim picture inside of it. He could barely make out what it was. He could tell it was a woman on top of a man though.

He couldn't tell if it was new or old because the painting had been wrapped, and the color was still bright and untouched by dust. He took a deep breath, and brought the picture down from the attic. He shut the trap door, and walked into their room.

Olivia heard the attic shut, and walked to the computer desk expecting to see Elliot. He wasn't there though. Confused she walked to their bedroom. She opened the door, and saw Elliot sitting on the floor with his arms on his bent legs. And the painting she'd tried to push so far away was laying on their bed. Destroying their marriage bed. With quick hands she took it off the bed so its sin wouldn't contaminate it any further. It hit her how much there bed was full of lies.

"So you did paint it?" He asked. Olivia quickly turned to him, and set the painting against the wall.

"Yes," she told the truth. He stood.

"Olivia, are you suicidal?" He asked with a stern, yet concerned voice. She looked up seeing her weakness in his eyes. She turned ashamed.

"No, not now-"

"Not now?"

"When I did this painting... I tried killing myself that night."

His face fell the rest of the way. "What? Why would you do that?"

She shook her head, and held back tears. "Elliot, please don't make me tell you."

"I have to know why you would want to do something like that."

"You're going to hate me." She said sitting on the corner of the bed.

"I could never hate you, Olivia," he reassured her. She nodded.

"Remember how I went through that bad depression four years back?"

"Yea?"

She took a shaky breath. "You have to let me finish this story. You can't walk out or scream or anything... Promise?"

With worry in his voice he got out, "I promise."

She looked down at her hands, which were entwined in her lap. "I cheated on you," she said barely able to get it past her lips. She looked back to him. His face was stone. You could see the veins and his neck begging to come out.

"What?" He muttered through his teeth.

"I cheated on you four years ago." The words fell out of her mouth like acid, and began to cry.

"Why would you do that to me?"

"Just listen Elliot. I went out for a couple of drink one night, after a rough day here with your physical therapist... What happened after that I can't remember. I only know I went over my friends house because I saw a video of me going over there. And apparently I was complaining about you not being able to walk, and I said something along the lines of it was hurting me and I couldn't do it anymore. Which I know I meant was I needed a way to cope, but he thought it meant I was leaving you... I remember waking up in a dark room in my underwear, so I assumed I was at home... Lying next to you..." She sniffled, and wiped her cheek quickly.

"I remembered how unwanted you felt because we hadn't slept together in a while, and I didn't want you feeling like that. So I was going to show you how much I wanted you. How I want your hands on me, because I missed your touch. How I wanted you in me..." She began crying harder. "Oh god," she barely got out. "I started having sex with him..." His fist clenched tightly. "I started loving him... I leaned down to tell _you_ I loved you, and thats when he said he loved me to... After... After we had both orgasmed... I froze... I reached over, and found a lamp and turned it on... I saw it wasn't you." She inhaled deeply. "He flipped us over, and started again.. I screamed and pleaded for him to stop but he couldn't hear me. I rolled back on top, and then vomited. I pulled him out of me, and started screaming at him... I trusted him, and he tricked me.

"I stopped at a art shop and picked up some art supplies... Then I went to a hotel... I couldn't face you, not after cheating on you... Do you remember that 400 dollars that I told you vanished?" She asked. He nodded, remembering. "That actually went to the hotel, because I broke their mirror. I couldn't look at my self. I got into the tub, and went under it... I took in the water... But then I saw you and Iris, and I knew I couldn't leave you guys... When I got out I painted this."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Elliot asked.

"Because I cheated on you, and I couldn't hurt you like that... I would have it kill me everyday than have my infidelity hurt you at all-"

"But everyday you were depressed it killed me Olivia... Technically yes you cheated on me... But you thought it was me... Yes it hurts me deeply to know you did that, but it hurts me worse that you didn't tell me... That you let it eat you alive for so long."

"I just didn't want to hurt you," she cried. He walked up to her, and sat beside her.

"I know..." He looked directly in her eyes. "Is there anything else?"

She nodded... "The next day I went to get food for you and I for lunch, and when I got back he was there... He tried apologizing, saying that he thoughts that what I wanted to do... Then he started yelling at me, and calling me a tease... He forced his lips on mine, and I kneed him, and... and he slapped me, hard... I told him to leave before I castrated him. It was the day I came back from lunch and my face was red." He remembered that day as well.

"Who was it?"

"Elliot, it doesn't matter," she told him knowing it didn't.

"It does to me!"

"Cory... Your doctor when you were in the hospital... the one that kissed me..." Her lips began quivering, and she collapsed into Elliot's chest. "I'm so sorry."

"I forgive you," he said truthfully. Because he did forgive her... He didn't blame her a bit. He knew she would never intentionally do that to him... But he was wondering one thing. "Olivia, can I ask you a question?"

"Anything."

"Was he better than me?" He asked. She pulled back, and looked directly in his face.

"What?"

"Was he better in bed than me?"

Her fell slightly open, not knowing what to say. "Uh... No," she answered.

"Are you just telling me that because you don't want to hurt me more?"

"No... Honestly I've never compared you to him... But no it wasn't... Because it was false love... False pretenses... There was also a lack of chemistry... I should have realized it because of that, but I didn't..."

"Other than that fact?" He pressed on.

"The truth?" she asked. He nodded. "I couldn't tell you because you were still paralyzed... by the time we had sex again you'd regained quite a bit of motion in that area." He laughed slightly. "What the hell could be funny?"

"So he put out like a paralyzed man?" He asked smiling slightly. She let a single laugh push out of her lungs.

"Yea," she said. They both began laughing uncontrollably, accidentally waking Bryson. He stood in the door way yawning, and rubbing his eyes. He had his stuffed suck in the hand he wasn't using. "Hey Sweety, you're up." She walked over to him.

"You're crying?" Bryson in a sweet and scared voice.

"Oh Honey, I was just laughing." She picked him up and placed him on her hip. "Why don't we get you something to eat?"

Summer walked into the 1-6 unit next to Fin, they were both the lead detective of the unit. And they'd both come across a scene of great publicity. A well known doctor of the area had been murdered, and not pleasantly either. They both were tired because they'd just finished a three week case today, and not an hour later they'd been called into this case. They'd just walked in and it was now 8 pm, the time they should have been leaving.

Olivia walked up to them. She looked stressed and tired, which wasn't an unusual look for her. But this time there was also a slight bite of panic. "What are the detail of the case?" She demanded.

Summer set her things on her desk. "Cory Baker," she said and the name hit Olivia like a cinder block. "Murdered at approximately 10:15 last night. Castrated with unknown object, and bled out."

"Liv, you okay?" Fin asked her. With dazed eyes she looked at him.

"Fine... I, uh, I knew is all. He was Elliot's doctor when he was in a coma," she explained.

"I know... I know you two became close during all that... I'm sorry-"

"Don't be. The friendship ended on pretty bad notes," she explained. "Fin, can... Can I see you in my office?" She asked politely, and walked off. She waited patiently, and Fin came in a few seconds behind her. "Shut the door please." He followed her demand.

"What is it?" He asked concerned.

"Do you remember 4 years ago, in the parking garage, when you asked me what was wrong and I refused to tell you?"

"Yea, I remember. Someone had slapped you, and you wouldn't say anything."

"That someone was Cory Baker," she told him with a sigh. His face dropped slightly, but tried holding his composer. "Look, what I'm about to tell you is in the strictest confidence and you can't tell anyone. If it comes down to you having to tell, tell me, and I will explain it." He nodded, understand. "The night before that happened he had made me believe he was Elliot, and tricked me into sleeping with him... And I just told Elliot that yesterday... And then around 9:45 he went to the grocery store for over an hour, and only came back with a gallon of milk."

"You don't think-"

"You know his temper as well as I do, and since he knew that he made he cheat on him... I don't know," she told honestly. "But I am warning you in advance just in case anything pops up... I am going to talk to him tonight."

"Okay... I wont say anything unless you want me to," he said sternly.

"Thank you." She grabbed her jacket, and bag. "I have to go pick up the kids from Cragen's... I will see you guys tomorrow... And if_ anything_, I mean absolutely _anything, _comes up that involves Elliot call me immediately."

"Will do," he said nodding. He stepped aside so she could leave.

She quickly drove to Cragen, and walked up the stairs to his house. She waited patiently for him to answer. He opened the door, and smiled.

"Hey Olivia," he said. "They just fell asleep."

"Uh um," she thought for a second. "Could they stay here tonight? I'll come by in the morning and pick them up and take Iris to school."

"Yea that'd be fine," he accepted. "You okay?"

"Yea, just a long day is all... You know how that is."

He nodded knowing. "Well, you should go home and get some sleep," he suggested.

"Yea," she said, but knew sleep was the last thing on her mind. "Goodnight."

"Night."

"And thanks," she added as she walked off the stairs.

"No problem," he said meaningfully. She hastily walked back to her car, glad that Cragen agreed to watch them. She had no idea what was going to happen when she got home tonight. She drove to her house, and parked in the drive way. She saw the light on already, meaning Elliot was home. She made her way inside, and saw Elliot laying across the couch watching tv. He looked over to her.

"Where are the kids?" He asked so casually.

"Uh, they fell asleep at Cragen's... I didn't want to wake them. I'm just going to pick them up in the morning," she replied walking to the recliner next to the couch. She sat down in it.

"Oh," he replied with a tired sigh.

"Long day?" She questioned already knowing the answer. Being in law enforcement always meant having long days.

"Yea. You?"

"As always... Something different happened today though," she told. He raise his eyebrow, and sat up shutting off the tv in the process.

"What do you mean?"

She took a deep breath. "Cory Baker was murdered last night," she bluntly stated. She waited for Elliot's face to change but it didn't. "He was castrated."

"Good," he said coldly.

"Elliot!" She snapped.

"What? He might as well forced himself on you, and I'm suppose to feel sorry for the fucker?" He snapped.

"Elliot... He was killed around 10 last night... You were gone for quite a long time last night and came back with one thing-"

"What are you implying?" He asked with awe.

"Is... Is there any evidence that could have been collected from his apartment that could place you there?"

He looked down. "My finger prints."

Her stomach,"Oh god El, what did you do?"

"I didn't kill him! Trust me if I did it would have been much worse... I went to his house to confront him, but he wasn't there.. So instead I talked to his wife-"

"His wife?"

"Yea, of 15 years."

"He cheated on her with me... He made me the other woman?" She said outloud.

"Yea..."

She took a deep breath. "Oh my god," she muttered.

"And apparently there is a dvd of that night," he said with a angry tone. Her eyes glazed over, and mouth feel open.

"What?"

"There's only one copy, and she doesn't know where it is... I imagine that CSU will find it."

"But then it will be reviewed... And seen by my staff," she said. She could feel the cold pressure building in her cheeks.

"I know." He reached out for her hand. "I'm sorry." She began to cry, and he pulled her over to the couch, and hugged her tightly. When he pulled back he gently grabbed her jaw line. "No matter what happens I will be by your side."

"Elliot... I can almost granite if Summer questions you she going to show you it."

"I-I know... And I will have to watch it... But that wont change anything, and thats only if they find it," he reminded her.

"You know they will."

"Just maybe they wont though." She smiled weakly.

"I love you so much."

He smiled lightly. "I know. I love you too."

Summer looked over to the large monitor on the wall. It was only her and Fin still inside working. And she'd put in the dvd they'd found underneath under the mattress in Cory Bakers bed room.

"Ready?" She asked Fin. She could tell something was on his mind he wasn't telling her, but knew that he wouldn't tell her.

"Yea," he got out.

She pressed play, and it was clear to the both of them it was homemade porn. It was in night vision, and off in the distance. You could only see the backs of them. The women said a few things, but it wasn't clear what was said. Then they started having sex.

Fin felt a knot in deep in his stomach. He could tell it was Olivia, but didn't dare say it out loud.

"Damn," Summer said out loud.

They watched silently, and then took in notice when the woman came to a dead halt. The light turned on, and the camera switched off night vision. Fin felt like punching the screen as he heard Olivia scream at Cory to stop.

"Is that Captain?" Summer asked, but her questioned was quickly answered.

After getting off him they could see her, all of her. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. About her not remembering going there, that she thought she was at home. How she thought it was Elliot. How she had cheated on Elliot. Summer reached over, and shut off the dvd.

"Oh my god," she said with amazement. "Why didn't she tell anyone?"

"Summer... A long time ago she was attacked undercover, and she blamed herself for a very long time.. For her to have something like that happen again... I'm surprised she didn't break completely," he said honestly. "She told me right before she left."

"You knew that she'd had sex with our victim?"

"Whose the victim here?" He challenged. He sighed. "She also told me that she'd finally told Elliot yesterday."

"You don't think?"

"Don't know... I don't think so, but Elliot has a temper." He sighed. "Look Sum, you can't tell Olivia we found this. She doesn't want people looking down on her-"

"Why would this make me look down on her?" she pondered. "It makes me think she's four times stronger than I thought she was... Braver..." He leaned against his desk.

"I know, but that's not how she'll see it."

"I understand... But how are we going to avoid it? I mean it is key evidence in our case." They sat for a few seconds thinking.

"I will tell Olivia I found. That only I found it... I will interview Elliot, if thats okay with you." She nodded. "You can over view," he offered.

"Thats fine." She took a sharp breath in. "What if his wife knew?"

"Turn it off!" Cory's wife, Bri, exclaimed. She slammed her palms down on the table, and stood.

"Hit a soft spot?" Summer asked. Bri's face got hard.

"Yes... I asked him if he cheated on me and he said he didn't. Then the womans husband came over that night, and he told me what Cory had done. I told him the sick fucker probably recorded it... When he left I found it.."

"And that upset you, and you thought that he didn't deserve to be here?"

"After what he did! No!" she snapped. "I'll admit it! I killed the fucker. And I don't regret it!" She yelled. "I don't want anyone going away from something I gladly did."

"Gladly?" She asked surprised. Bri exhaled loudly.

"He told me he loved her more than he ever loved me! That he wouldn't change that night ever! That he wouldn't change destroying this womens life forever!" She shook her head. "He told me that was why we never had sex any more... That he would rather watch the tape or find a hooker that looked like her... He would call them by her name! It was sick!" She screamed. "He was obsessed with her!"

"And that pissed you off?"

"It fucking made me want to vomit."

"And thats why you killed him?"

"You damn straight!"

Olivia looked through the double sided mirror with a heavy chest. Her hand was gripped by Elliot's. They watched as Summer brought Bri to the holding cell. She felt her hand let go of Elliot's, and she ran after Bri.

Bri paused, surprised. "What are you doing here?" She asked stunned.

"I'm the captain of this unit," she explained.

"You're a cop?" Olivia nodded. "I. I'm sorry for what my husband did to you."

"I know," Olivia whispered.

**Oh cut off again. R&R people, please! Or at least fav it so I know people are reading it! Thank ya. Another large time jump next part, even larger than this one. In case you guys were wondering it part is little snit bits of their life so I can take you on the journey of their life :)**


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